Asking for Help
A few years back, my brother told me about this thing called TaskRabbit. You pay people to go stand in line for you or help you do chores around the house. At the time I thought it it was completely ridiculous. What a first-world b.s.. Who does that? You can't stand in your own line??
But life has a funny way of showing you things. Let's fast forward a few years. I'm a new doctor. I'm overwhelmed. I'm riding an emotional roller coaster of exhaustion and wonder med school doesn't prepare you for. I'm busy. I'm tired. All I want is someone to unpack those last couple of boxes. To make a mess of the clutter, to fold the clothes, to go to the grocery store and finally get me those AA batteries. And so, I went to TaskRabbit.
After two months of a half-unpacked cluttered house, 'taskers' came upon my home and left it a goddamned Marie Kondo-palace. And it's amazing. As I sat there with my sparkling water, charting in my home office with a view of the Sound I felt so...Seattle, so... privileged.
I never imagined myself living in one of the most expensive cities in the country being called Doctor Giselle. But today I’m choosing release my privilege shame and be only grateful. Grateful for technology, ingenuity. For great neighbor "taskers" that are able to be entrepreneurs in an ever disconnected, disempowering world. When my 'organizer' tasker arrived and met my cleaning tasker and shopping tasker she made a great comment: "we’re your village!”
I always tout how important it is to have one of those to raise children, to exist. Yet, I hadn't realized how superficial I've been in carrying that notion when it comes to my own asking for help. In my over a decade of higher education I never received any training on asking for help. You're the doctor. You're supposed to know. You're supposed to walk into the room and command respect. In orientation, our Program Director said, "It's okay to be scared. It's not okay to be paralyzed by fear.”
But fear is inherently paralyzing for humans. The fear of uncertainty, of not knowing, of missing something, of hurting someone, it's constant. As human doctors we put on our 'cape' and show up. Every person thinks that they're the most important person, and they come a long way in their own journey to seek your help. You owe them that. You are mother, healer, teacher, boss, and employee all in 15 minutes. You are dealing with life and death. You're simultaneously trying to fix boo-boos, convince people they don’t have cancer, and help those that do . All while trying to identify your vast knowledge gaps and be better. It's surreal. The phrases: I dont know. I need help. Both empowering and exhausting for it's a reminder of how much work there's still to do.
Funnily enough, pre-doctor Giselle was actually full of wisdom that doctor Giselle needs to hear. I leave you with the words of my personal statement applying to medical school discussing my decision to seek help for my depression:
And that's exactly what I shall do.
With love,
Dr. Giselle
But life has a funny way of showing you things. Let's fast forward a few years. I'm a new doctor. I'm overwhelmed. I'm riding an emotional roller coaster of exhaustion and wonder med school doesn't prepare you for. I'm busy. I'm tired. All I want is someone to unpack those last couple of boxes. To make a mess of the clutter, to fold the clothes, to go to the grocery store and finally get me those AA batteries. And so, I went to TaskRabbit.
After two months of a half-unpacked cluttered house, 'taskers' came upon my home and left it a goddamned Marie Kondo-palace. And it's amazing. As I sat there with my sparkling water, charting in my home office with a view of the Sound I felt so...Seattle, so... privileged.
I never imagined myself living in one of the most expensive cities in the country being called Doctor Giselle. But today I’m choosing release my privilege shame and be only grateful. Grateful for technology, ingenuity. For great neighbor "taskers" that are able to be entrepreneurs in an ever disconnected, disempowering world. When my 'organizer' tasker arrived and met my cleaning tasker and shopping tasker she made a great comment: "we’re your village!”
I always tout how important it is to have one of those to raise children, to exist. Yet, I hadn't realized how superficial I've been in carrying that notion when it comes to my own asking for help. In my over a decade of higher education I never received any training on asking for help. You're the doctor. You're supposed to know. You're supposed to walk into the room and command respect. In orientation, our Program Director said, "It's okay to be scared. It's not okay to be paralyzed by fear.”
But fear is inherently paralyzing for humans. The fear of uncertainty, of not knowing, of missing something, of hurting someone, it's constant. As human doctors we put on our 'cape' and show up. Every person thinks that they're the most important person, and they come a long way in their own journey to seek your help. You owe them that. You are mother, healer, teacher, boss, and employee all in 15 minutes. You are dealing with life and death. You're simultaneously trying to fix boo-boos, convince people they don’t have cancer, and help those that do . All while trying to identify your vast knowledge gaps and be better. It's surreal. The phrases: I dont know. I need help. Both empowering and exhausting for it's a reminder of how much work there's still to do.
Funnily enough, pre-doctor Giselle was actually full of wisdom that doctor Giselle needs to hear. I leave you with the words of my personal statement applying to medical school discussing my decision to seek help for my depression:
"…the experience of seeking help as a ‘successful’ adult, taught me a profound humbleness and connection to the community around me. I am certain that the long track of a medical career is possible for me because as I may struggle, I can reach out for help and root myself in the strength that surrounds me.
Discovering my life without depression bolstered a passion for service and desire to pursue an MD. To become a leader for my community, assisting immigrants and other silenced groups in the system. I know my career will likely only make a dent in the vast issues of healthcare. However, I am determined to practice in a spirit of advocacy, a partner for individuals, and a voice for the marginalized."
And that's exactly what I shall do.
With love,
Dr. Giselle
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